Number 5: Apologization (whether necessary or not)

I'm getting really sick of how often I apologize. It may be hard for some of you to believe, but I actually do it a lot. What really bothers me about it is that normally when I apologize, the thing I'm apologizing for isn't my fault. I'm more likely to say sorry in a situation like this than in one where an apology is actually called for. This is not because I don't understand that I've done something wrong. I just don't like to do what is obvious.

I'm sorry for saying sorry so much. If you don't like it, then you should probably not be reading this blog.

There are some people in my life that detriment from being associated with me but don't seem to care. They don't mind giving up something to help me. It's really nice of them, but sometimes they really just need to stop. I'm not big on accepting things from others. It kind of makes me feel crappy. So I apologize a lot because it bothers me.

More on the nature of my apologizing habits next week.

My apologies,
Kirstyn B. Showalter

Number 4: Tyler V-zation

In the past, I have been pretty harsh towards some people. I'm not saying that that will change (hate to break it to you Tyler V.) but things have been different for me. I've been different and I will continue to be even more different. However, I feel that I owe somewhat of an apology to the one and only Tyler Thomas VanOstrand for the years of pain and suffering I've put him through.

Firstly, I'm sorry for this post which will list some of the more horrible things I've done to you. I apologize for making you relive all of these terrible experiences.

I'm sorry for telling you that you looked like a hobo the other day. However, I think it was a pretty fair thing to say given that your shirt was three sizes too big, your shorts mid calf and ragged and your shoes muddy.

I'm sorry for throwing those flash cards all over the floor in Spanish class last year and then yelling that you had to pick them up. You shouldn't have messed them up when I was trying to organize them.

I'm sorry for punching you all the time in that PE that we had together (I can't remember what year that was). I remember hitting you all the time and then one day you came to school with a huge bruise on your leg from lord knows what. Then we decided that all of your injuries combined into that one bruise. Good times, goooood times.

I'm sorry for being so nosy sometimes. (BTW, this is probably going to be the only serious apology). Your business is your business. Do what you want, kid. Remember I'm always here if you ever need someone and Kayleah is too busy getting beat up by her girlfriend.

Lastly, I'd like to apologize for making fun of how large your lips are and the expression you make sometimes. Right now I'm looking at you and you have that look on your face. I'm staring at you and mocking it. It's extremely funny. I just showed it to Kayleah and she laughed. You haven't noticed yet.

So sorry. So very, very sorry.

My apologies,
Kirstyn B. Showalter

Number 3: Realization

I'm real sorry for this ridiculousness. This was just written about 4 minutes ago in about as much time. Don't ask me what this means because I don't know. I'm not sad. I feel... awake; aware of my emotions, goals and weaknesses. Okay, now just read it and I'll apologize more after.

I Taste Smoke.

The distance is unbearable
My feelings still detachable
Commitment’s just not my thing anymore
But I still wanted something
Something not quite real
Something more
As always

My life is just a ticking clock
With every step I take I hear it
Nothing really seems to matter
Except what never did before
And I’m everywhere
But soon I’ll be nowhere
At least to you

So I’m slipping
And twisting
And falling in between these cracks
The ones I thought didn’t exist in me
What was solid is now evaporating
And turning into something less than nothing
Something barely visible
Smoke

And I can taste it.
But maybe it’s all in my head
My mind is trying to warn me
With my eyes and ears closed
And my feeling occupied
The message is sent to my mouth
Which interprets its source as foreign
But it’s internal
again


Sincere apologies for the lack of punctuation/editing. All in good time, my dear friends.

Sorry for all of that mess up there. Thanks for listening.

My apologies,
Kirstyn B. Showalter

Number 2: Creation

I'm sorry for my teaser of a blog last week. I know you're all begging for more, so here goes nothing.

I'd like to apologize to my friends for never, ever having any ideas on what to do. To be fair, though, they never have any either. I've been brainstorming and I've come up with a few, shall I say, creative ideas:

1) Secret Charades- Try to get random people to guess what you are without using words. This means you can't actually tell them that they're playing charades, hence the word secret.

2) Séance- A classic. All you need is an undefined number of candles. You don't actually have to know what you're doing; you just have to have an imagination. I always find it the most fun if you're friends think you're completely serious and know what you're doing.

3) Techno Dance Party- I've suggested this numerous times to my friends, but they don't seem all too thrilled about it. It's really not hard at all; no dancing skills required. Techno dancing is all about crazy movement. It's all in the hands and face. The effect is enhanced with the addition of a strobe light.

Unfortunately, my friends are major lamefaces and would rather "watch movies" or "hang out" than do anything actually worthwhile. Sorry for wasting your time, guys, with all of my "dumb" ideas. Pssshhk.

My apologies,

Kirstyn B. Showalter